I love working with couples who are motivated and committed to repairing, and in many cases, saving their relationships. In my experience, most couples who enter couples counselling do so because they are at a place in the relationship where they are:
•Contemplating separating (or getting back together)
•Trying to overcome a betrayal (infidelity, jealousy, breach of trust)
•Not communicating effectively
•Experiencing resentment, anger, criticism, blaming, and general relationship dissatisfaction
•Lacking intimacy, feeling unwanted, or emotionally unavailable
•Feeling overwhelmed by stress and family responsibilities (health problems, finances, kids, in-laws, blended-families)
I believe that any relationship can be repaired and saved provided that both people are willing to make the effort to change. I also know that the grass is not always greener on the other side; it’s only going to be green where you water it. Also, no one person is to blame. Couples counselling is as much about the individual and identifying your individual needs as it is about the relationship.
I work from eclectic approach, meaning that I use a variety of therapeutic interventions (The Gottman Method, Emotion-Focused Therapy, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) dependent upon what arises during our session. I like to use what I’ve termed “bucket therapy” as a way for couples to understand and communicate their needs to each other. Each person has a metaphorical relationship bucket and the more full the bucket, the more content in the relationship they are. Part of counselling is getting to know what fills your bucket. In other words, what do you need to feel happy, secure, loved, wanted, etc., within your relationship? Do you know? Do you know what your partner needs? Is it intimacy, affection, time together, sex, holding hands? So you know your love language? Using this metaphor couples begin to understand their own needs, as well as their partners’ needs and learn how to fill one another’s buckets. How full is your bucket right now? I suspect that it’s close to empty, which is what brought you here, but we can help.
Making the decision to see a couples’ counsellor can be hard for some people and there are situations where one person is not ready (or willing) to go to counselling. While it is ideal to have both partner’s in counselling together, it is not a necessary starting point. In fact, there are times where it can be beneficial to see people individually. Whether with or without your partner, we can help. Click the button below to schedule your first session.